You are always on my mind

I have had some people on my mind a lot lately and I don't know what to do about it. They are people that I would consider friends but we have grown apart some by choice and some by circumstance. One in particular is one that its not an option to just call out of the blue (circumstances would not allow for it). I had the opportunity to see this person today and talk with them, but then I decided maybe its for the best if I didn't. We have not seen each other all summer and maybe for us that is the best thing we could do for each other. It is just that I miss this person, I miss the friendship, I miss the laughs and the smiles. I guess our friendship was what some would say a "seasonal" friendship. We both needed each other and became friends because of our common ground, but friendships grow and change just like the seasons and now we don't need each other and for reasons I won't disclose here we made the decision to take a step back from our friendship. But every now and then this person just weighs heavily on my heart and my mind and I just want to be able to talk to them. For now I guess all I can do is pray that this person is happy and doing well. Maybe someday I will see them and I will go and talk to them and everything that we left behind will be okay...maybe.

A very merry birthday to me!

This week was my 27th birthday and my family and friends always do a great job of making me feel so special. My parents had Andy and I over for dinner and my Dad even made me some homemade Butterfinger ice cream! My parents got me a bike for my birthday and my brothers got me a couple of tv shows on dvd that I had been wanting. It was a hard not having my Meme around for my birthday, but I am thankful for all the birthdays she was here for.

My new bike that my parents gave me!

Enjoying some homemade ice cream!

I have the best husband ever!

Is it Fall yet?

I go through phases with my blog. I like the idea of blogging, but then I think what is the point? I think for me it is a place to get my thoughts out. I have thought about using an actual journal, but to be honest I don't like the idea of hand writing everything. So here I am again blogging my thoughts or experiences. Today is one of those days where I am just so ready for Fall. I am ready to wear sweaters and scarfs and ready for the sun to not be out until 9pm. Don't get me wrong, I love summer. The long days, late nights, crickets chirping, thunderstorms, and everything else that goes along with it, but now I'm ready to move on. The problem is that I live in West Texas where Summer runs through October and September is sometimes one of the hottest months of the year. Today the weather is overcast and cool and I'm stressed about school so I'm pretending its Fall by laying around in my sweat pants and drinking hot chocolate. 


Lately I have been cleaning/organizing our house, and it feels overwhelming and relieving all at the same time. I have been purging the things that Andy and I do not need or use. I already have two large bags and a milk box full of stuff to take to Goodwill. I am not going to go as far to say that I am not materialistic, because I am, but I want to live a simpler life. I want to give what I do not need to people that may need it. I want to save money and not just spend it because we can. My goal is to get the house back to looking somewhat normal before Dana comes in two weeks. I'm not doing so well at my goal today as I am just sitting in front of the tv in sweat pants. Oh well...everyone deserves a break! I also want to go through all my old photographs from before I had a digital camera and I got prints of every picture I ever took! I like having physical copies of pictures and I like that my Mom made baby books for my brothers and I. I feel sorry for the kids who have grown up completely in the digital age and don't have baby books, but just look at pictures of themselves on an IPhone. Anyways...I want to go through all those pictures because there are a TON from high school that do not pertain to me and whats the point in keeping pictures of people I can't even remember their names? There is no point! So that is also on the to-do list. 


Another goal of mine is to start writing down my memories of my family or special events. I loved hearing stories from my Grandparents growing up, but sadly now they are at a point where they can't really share those stories anymore. I think it would be neat if I wrote down different memories that I have and also asked my brother and parents to do the same. What a cool way to save our family history! Getting my brothers to do this may require some bribing, but maybe if they just told me there memories I could write them down. Its a big dream/goal of mine, but I am going to start working on it!

Don't think I don't think about it...

So I was at work today and this song by Darius Rucker came on called "Don't Think I Don't Think About It" and it was definitely not my first time to hear the song, but it was my first time to actually stop and listen to the words and what they mean to me. And yes I know what some of you are thinking, Darius Rucker used to be Hootie from Hootie and the Blowfish and how weird it is that he sings country music now, but hey his songs are pretty good! Anyways here are some of the lyrics...

Don't think I don't think about it

Don't think I don't have regrets

Don't think it don't get to me

Between the work and the hurt and the whiskey

Don't think I don't wonder 'bout

Could've been should've been all worked out

Yeah I know what I felt and I know what I said

But don't think I don't think about it

Don't think I don't think about it

Lately I have really been thinking a lot of "what if's" and this song just stuck with me today. I have sort of been in a state of mourning over my teaching career. I just feel like that part of my life is not resolved. I was just barely getting started down that path when everything literally felt like it when to hell. I know in my heart that I made the right decision for me, but it still hurts to think about how I may never teach again. I really enjoyed teaching before "the experience" happened and from what others told me I was pretty good at it! I thought that I had done it, I had found my forever job and I was going to be that sweet teacher that you would never forget and when I got older I would wear those ridiculous teacher vests with all the pins on them! I was so excited about my future and then like I said "the experience" happened and poof just like that it was all over. My future felt so uncertain and my dreams felt squashed and I guess some of those feelings are still lingering. I use the word mourn because it really feels like I lost a life that I could have had and now I am mourning the idea of what could have been my life. And you know what the worst problem about the what if game is....it always leads to a million more what if's! How would your life be different if you had taken a different path then the one you chose? Does God know what path we are going to choose...I mean He lets us choose, but does he ultimately know what we are going to do? I just wonder where I would be right now if I had made one really big different decision!

Oh and the baby question is being thrown around a lot lately. I have a default answer to when we are going to have kids and if you know me you know what it is, but it is still hard to answer all the time. I think the reason it is hard to answer is because part of me know that my default answer is only part of the reason we aren't trying to have kids yet and the other part is me. I know everybody says that you are never completely ready for kids, but I just thought that I would be in my "real" job and we would be more settled in life when we got to the three year mark and we would be ready then to have kids. But NOOOO...life had other plans. I'm back at Market Street (which I actually do like), I'm thinking about going back to school again, we are in debt up to our eyeballs because of my student loans, and life just feels sort of uncertain. The only thing that did seem to work out is we bought our first house so we at least at the room to have a baby. It is just weird to think that we are at that age when having a baby is the next logical step and makes sense. When did we get that old? 

So this was a whole lot of randomness thrown into one blog, but I just had a lot on my mind.

Random things you may not know about me...

1) I hate to get my face wet...I can take a whole shower without really getting my face wet.

2) I am obsessed with cows. I would LOVE to live in the country and own a cow someday and it would be a pet.

3) One of my legs is shorter than the other. This is due to my Scoliosis.


4) My mom's original due date for me was July 13, but I was born on the 18th. My mom's due date for my brother Ryne was July 18th but he was born on the 13th. Weird unh?


5) I cannot parallel park at all! 

6) I only like movies that have happy endings. I don't like when they end "realistically". If I wanted reality I would just not watch the movie.

7) Sleeping Beauty is my favorite Disney movie, Grease is my favorite musical, and my all time favorite movie is a tie between Love Actually and When Harry Met Sally.

8) I hate to wear high heels. I figure if God meant for me to be that tall he would have made me that tall. I choose comfort over style every time when it comes to shoes.


9) Christmas is my favorite holiday. I think it would be fun to visit North Pole, Alaska just to see what it is like to live somewhere that is entirely devoted to Christmas.


10) I'm very sentimental. I will keep a piece of scrap paper if it has a special meaning to me.


11) I hate running and therefore hated playing sports like soccer and basketball growing up.


12) I am the least competitive person I know. Just ask my mom or Andy...it annoys the fire out of them!


13) If you are what you eat then I am nachos. I LOVE nachos.


14) I did not get my ears pierced until I was 16 and I only did it then so I could have cute earrings for prom.


15) I name some of my pets after tv or movie characters. I had a cat named Lucy after the girl from 7th Heaven. I had a cat named Chandler after the character from Friends. And now I have a dog named Bella and a cat named Jasper both after Twilight characters.

Lots of testing...

So the past couple of weeks have included lots of testing for me and let me tell you how fun all of it was. First of all I had blood work done at my "annual" check up (all you ladies know what I'm talking about) and as usual it was less than enjoyable due to the fact that I HATE getting blood drawn (not to mention the rest of what happens at this appointment). Then during my actual exam with the doctor she told me that I met certain qualifications to have the BRAC analysis test done. The BRAC test is a hereditary breast and ovarian cancer test. It basically just tells you whether or not you have the cancer gene. It cannot tell you whether or not that gene will actually develop into cancer, but if you do have it you can work closely with your doctor to monitor for signs of cancer. Of course this was a separate blood test so I had to get blood drawn AGAIN! I still haven't heard back about if my insurance will cover the BRAC test and if it doesn't then I am not having the test run, but all my regular blood work came back good so I can check that off my list. And going back to the BRAC test, I am not even sure if I want to know if  I carry the cancer gene. Would you want to know?

This is me all bandaged up from the blood work I had done...sad day.

So the next test was the HOBET V test. HOBET stands for Health Occupation Basic Entrance Test version 5. I took this test because I am applying to the Physical Therapy Assistant program that South Plains college is starting this fall. Well I had to have a composite score of 80% or better to be considered for the program. So I take the test and the science portion of it kicks my butt! It has crazy advanced chemistry and biology on it and I don't remember any of that stuff. So my overall score the first time was a 68.4%. My reading, math, and English scores averaged out to better than an 80%, but that dang science ruined it for me. So I scheduled a retake of the test and studied all the science stuff as much as possible, but there is only so much you cram into your head. So I retook that stupid test today and I had to take all four portions of it again and when I was done my score was worse than last week! Can you believe that? Uhh! So I walked it over to the PTA office anyways because they said to go talk to them regardless and you know what they told me? They said I qualified for an interview with my scores from the first test! Shut the front door! Apparently they are dropping the science portion of the test and because of that my first set of test scores was sufficient enough! So basically I just wasted $75 ($40 on the retake of the test and $35 and the study manual) and 4 hours of my life on that stupid test! Oh well, at least it is over now and all I have to do now is get through the interview portion.

An update on me and life...

So it's been a while since I have been on here and the reason why is because I went back to work at my old job at Market Street. When I left my teaching position I told Andy I would go back to Market Street if I was unable to find another full time job, and so in mid-April I went and talked to them about coming back and lucky for me they welcomed me back with open arms and at my old pay rate! Of course I came back right before Mother's Day so right off the bat I was crazy busy with work. So since I have gone back to work it is has been an adjustment period of me re-learning how to work, have a life, see my husband and family, and keep my house clean. Needless to say the journal and my crafts have not been a priority. In fact I just took down my Easter mantel a few days ago and I am now working on a summer mantel.


So now I have a funny story...my husband and I volunteer in our church nursery once a month. We wanted to try and serve at our church and I LOVE babies so this was a great option for us. We decided on just once a month though, because our schedules can get a bit crazy and thought this would be easier. Anyways yesterday was our nursery day and we ended up with five babies ranging in age from 2 months to 7 months. They sent us a girl who is in junior high to help and thank goodness they did because we each pretty much at our arms full the whole time. Andy had the one girl of the group and she was not in the mood to be put down, and about half way through service we started the diaper changing process and Andy got to change her diaper. Let's just say it was one of those diapers that nobody wants to change and the mess was everywhere! He was so good about it and changed her and got her all cleaned up and then promptly handed her off to me! Afterwards he was full of questions about if that was normal and do you get use to it and do parents have to hold their babies the whole time? Haha I thought it was so funny and I tried to answer his questions as best I could, but my knowledge comes only from what I know through my parents and what I learned in my child development classes! Bless him, he tries so hard.


So now that it is summer my annual case of envy is back. Every year I see other girls with pretty golden brown skin basking in the sun next to the sparkly pool and every year I think I wish I could do that. But then I hear the practical voice of my dermatologist in my head say do NOT lay in the sun! You are too pale! You have a high risk of skin cancer! And then I think of how my Dad already had a cancerous spot removed from his leg and how our dear friends Chris and Stacy have a 21 year old son going through treatments for skin cancer and I realize how stupid I am being about wanting to lay in the sun. So I settle for alternative forms of tan. I wear bronzer on my face everyday so I don't look like a vampire (although Twilight has definitely made pale skin somewhat cool again), I use lotions that give you a slight tan and sometimes I actually use a self-tanner. I used a self-tanner not too long ago on my legs to see if I liked the color and I did! The color looked natural and golden not orange on me, however, the problem was my application of the tanner...my legs looked streaky and blotchy around the ankles and knees. Sad day for me, but good thing I wear jeans to work all the time! How do you get the darn stuff on without it streaking?  So my next step is to try the spray tan and guess what is in my email box today? A Groupon for half off an airbrush tan! Score!!! So that's my plan for summer tan glory for me! Until next time.